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August 17, 2010 / Melissa

Control: To get it, you have to give it up

Lesson Five: Sometimes you spend all your energy attempting to control you what you actually can’t. So when life knocks you off balance and you allow yourself to go with it, that’s the control necessary to finding your path.

I met a very wise woman at the age of 16 who told me this over and over: To gain control you have to give it up.  And honestly, for nearly 10 years I have struggled with this concept, entertaining the notion but never really embracing it.  I’m the girl who had my life planned starting in the second grade.  When I started my job this past year it was with the thought “two years here, and then a PhD program in clinical psychology.”  And ten months later when that wasn’t the case, I sat with this concept.  And when my ex-fiance decided that marriage was not in my cards this year, I had to sit with this as well.  All plans I had had fallen apart.  So what do you do?  Go with the flow and know you can’t control it all.

This summer I have found this pretty freeing.  I’ve travelled, I’ve fed my soul, I’ve read, I’ve written, I’ve taken language classes, I’ve done NOTHING and loved it.  I’ve taken community college classes and (I probably shouldn’t admit this) not cared that I’ve gotten B’s in them, even after a near 4.0 in graduate school.  And now, after a summer of going with the flow and giving up control I never really had, I’ve found myself in a stable state wondering which direction I will steer my life, knowing it might not be the ultimate plan for me, but a journey and an experience nonetheless.  I actually feel as though I’ve accomplished so much.



Leave a Comment
  1. Tricia Lorntson / Aug 17 2010 10:20 PM

    Very worldly for 25. I’m impressed. When I was 25 I was much more worried about what sort of vodka to drink at the club that night then how to find my inner Zen.

    • Melissa / Aug 18 2010 2:37 AM

      Well, it is about the balance! I have my fair share of worrying about which cocktail I prefer was well! Thanks for checking in.

  2. Charlie / Aug 18 2010 3:44 AM

    In my yoga class, one of the things that the yoga teacher has talked about is how the positions become easier as you surrender yourself to them… and it’s true. If you don’t fight the way the pose (or life) hits you, you’re able to strike the balance of everything better!

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